I'd like to resign, please

Can someone direct me to where I can resign my membership in human.

Disclaimer. I am a biker, trying to be a Christian, a better Dad, a halfway decent newspaper editor & reporter, etc etc etc ad naseum infinitum.

Not die. Just let me out of this thing called human. Any way we can get a functioning star ship up & running soon? Something to cruise the Universe.

(sigh)

Religion (and I consider atheism to be a religion). Politics. Cults. Gangs. Racists. Government. Civic and professional clubs. Anywhere two or more people gather together with a like mind, common goal and intention.

They all have two things in common - Organization and Humans.

This leads to another thing they all have in common - Exclusion and a way to prevent others from being accepted.

Every. Single. One.

Think not? Show me any group of people which has NO requirements for full acceptance other than being human.

You can't do it.

Church? All are welcome? Then why are there empty pews every time the door opens.

"Well, Baker, the people just don't—"

Stop there. Any time you stick a "do" or a "do not" you're putting qualifiers on it.

No. Qualifiers.

(sigh)

Yassee, this kind of thing makes me want to withdraw my membership in human.  C'mon guys! We have enough problems with cages, biker-hatin' laws and ... yeah. There I go doing the VERY thing I'm exhorting against. I wish I could share more of the things that have recently brought me down. Not going to tell you for reasons I will explain in a moment.

I want to stop human. Not necessarily being human. Not quitting the  human race, as this implies a challenge, but human. Disassociate myself with people who have the same DNA structure. Kind of like a weird relative someone asks you about.

"Him? Oh, uh, yeah. That's uh... Yeah." and then you change the subject partly from embarassment, partly from disgust, partly from annoyance and so on.

People have an innate need to be accepted. To belong is a slightly different track.

The problem with the need to be accepted is it perverts us. Humans go to great lengths to fill this need. We'll abandon everything we claim to hold dear.  We all look for a rallying point. Even this column, this demand to resign from human is a cry for acceptance and an invitation to join me.

If we're frustrated in these efforts to find our tribe, we can turn mean. "If I'm not going to fit, neither are you." And this is why I'm not telling you about the other things that brought me down. I can't do it without turning mean. If I share those instances, I'm going to get petty and bitch-slap those people. Which is one of the things I am railing against.

Dammitall.

Mike, Buddhist Boot Camp ain't providing a solution to this one. Maybe I need to read it again.

Maybe I just need a long fishing trip.

Choose wisely

Solomon is credited, by some people, as being the wisest man in existence, the second wisest or just among the wise.

In case yer not wondering, I peg him as No. 2.

A point is coming. As I write this, the radio show "This American Life" is airing on Georgia Public Radio. It's the Superhero show.

Episode one posed the question: If you had the choice between being able to fly or being invisible, which would you choose?

Based strictly on the parameters of this question, you can already do both.

You ride a planet hurtling through the universe.

You cannot be seen in certain wavelengths.

"Baker, stop being technical."

The details are what can kill you to death faster than you can imagine it.

So think again, which would you choose.

Here's another parameter for each:

You can fly on earth under your own power.

You can be invisible to the human eye.

FLY!

As to being invisible, any deer hunter worth his venison can make this happen. If you need help, try here or here. 

"Baker..."

Yes?

"That ain't what it means."

Au contraire, that is exactly what it means. You are putting your personal spin on it. You are reading things into it. You are overlaying your experiences on top of this. You are wrong. You are right.

I ask again, which would you choose?

OK, fly under your own power with no mechanic equipment and fly for as long as you want to and land safely.

Be invisible in the wavelengths which can be seen by the human eye.

OK. You fly at a speed of 1 foot per hour.

As for being invisible in the wavelengths people can see, are you ready for that much ostracization?

"Why are you making things difficult?"

Just asking questions. Just trying to make you think. Just trying to get you out of your comfort zone and find wisdom.

Even Sisyphus would balk

It is impossible to remove all religious icons from public property.

Wanna bet?

Human beings have such an ability to create religion that some people are stunned.

Death is now a religion (again). How will you remove death from public property? Microbes are living and dying every instant all over public property.

"Baker, yer logical extension broke off. Try again."

Ever dine out? Like pasta? That plate of spaghetti is a religious icon.

That turf, the nice green grass?

Plain old dirt?

Render it to absolutely nothing (which is itself impossible short of eliminating the entire planet)?

"Baker, that stuff is just idiotic. Buncha fools."

Regardless of your opinion, or mine, the fact is the religions have gained acceptance by the very governments which oversee public property.

Religious icons on public property are going to exist. If this offends you, please send your name to me so I can mark you off my list. While I personally didn't offend you, bringing this to your attention qualifies.

We hates math, yes we does My Precious, we hates it

Most of my freelance work these days is done through outfits that charge a commission somewhere along the line.

The sound you just heard is the collective gasp of horror by my mercenary comrades (or as Rebel calls us, prostitutes).

The horror is that I'm willing to give up part of my pay for what they see as no reason at all.

Not at all. In exchange for these commissions, I get math services. Immediately prior to writing today's ramble, I totaled up the April bill for one of my clients. Had to do it twice and I'm STILL not sure it's correct.

We hates math. Yes we does My Precious. We hates it.

Dad was a Georgia Tech engineer grad. Imagine his horror when he discovered his oldest son, while a junior in high school, had the math skills of a 6th grader. The test was rigged. My math ability is actually lower than that.

This is why I don't have complaints about those commissions. In exchange:

• They bill the client

• I don't do the math

• I get to write

• They worry about the client not paying

• I don't do the math

• I get to write

• I get my money

• I don't do the math

• I get to write

• They take care of totaling my earnings and send me a 1099

• They have to do the math

• I don't do the math

• I get to write

• They handle a LOT of the marketing end

• I get to write and write and write and they do the math

Get the idea?

Nostradamus would be proud

The sacrifices I make for you, my readers. You do not appreciate what it takes to produce this non-award-winning commentary on a highly irregular basis.

Like this email I got from Steve:

Please read this message below from our sponsor, Delcroft Investments.

Alan Morris, Editor

This short documentary has been banned in all Catholic European countries.
And Extremists have hacked Youtube servers trying to take it down
Click here to watch what has united the Catholic Church and extremists for one sinister purpose...
Just make sure you watch it with the door locked and with the sound turned down...

Normally I just dump these emails unread into the spam folder. But noooooo. I sacrificed today and pulled the email out of the trash, opened it and clicked through the link to get to THIS video.

I did not watch the video. I'm only willing to go so far. After all, I hardly know most of you (waves to N. Korea, the NSA and Dept. of Homeland Insecurity) and I'm really not that kind of writer. So, let's do lunch. If you buy, we can talk about second base. But you better call me in the morning if we do.

Anyway, this is just another mondo misfire in a massive line of conspiracy theories that have been going on just about since JFK was shot by 800 of Emperor Palpatine's Stormtrooper snipers.

The Cantservative Nattering Nutjobs (CNN) lost their minds when Bill Clinton was elected. They insisted he was going to declare martial law, take everyone's guns and quarter soldiers in our houses.

Didn't happen.

The liarberal Foolish Oxymoronic Xenophiles (FOX) went ballistic when Dubya was elected. They insisted he was going to rape the environment – without using any protection whatsoever! – bring slavery back and turn women into the kind of females the Kzinti warriors demand.

(Tell me, what other blog can you find that links classic S.F., politics, Dilbert, weird French guys, satire and today's leading edge conspiracy theorists? There is none. Dammit, I deserve an award for this stuff.)

Didn't happen.

The current POTUS (Poophead Of Tremendous & Unusual Stupidity) got elected and the CNN crowd fired right back up with the same tired line of doom, gloom and tyranny. The FOX affiliates are already trashing the potential CNN candidates for POTUS. The CNN affiliates are full monkey-style-poop-throwing ahead on the FOX candidates.

Hasn't happened.

In ALL cases the most severe whackjobs out there stockpiled food, ammunition, built underground bunkers, declared themselves to be an independent nation, not subject to the laws of the United States and generally acted like Kim Jong Flattop over in N. Korea, except they spoke English and when they got into an argument with law enforcement, they got arrested.

If you clicked that last link, you went to John Hogue's website. Hogue has re-written several times a book on the prophecies of Nostradamus. With each revision, he's cast a world evildoer as the anti-Christ Nostry spoke of. It started with the Grand Idioteller in Iran. When he died and failed to take over the world, Hogue rewrote, recasting another right SOB as the AC. Saddam Hussein was once the AC. He became extremely intimate with a rope and didn't ascend to the AC throne. Hogue rewrote. Osama bin Laden is (was) the AC. OBL was introduced to some of Uncle Sam's Special Forces in a terminal way. Dunno who Hogue has pegged as the next AC.

But plenty of people have ID'd POTUS as the next AC. They also ID'd Reagan, Bush, Clinton and Dubya as such.

Ain't happened. Won't happen. People like Steve et al who send me stupid crap like this are deserving of all the ridicule I can heap on their pointy heads. Since they have pointy heads, it just rolls off and they forget about it, just as they conveniently forget their past predictions failed to come true.

Whether you agree in with the Bible or not, this is absolutely true, "...because many false prophets are gone out into the world." 1 John 4:1.

A sufficient application of force

This, for those who don't understand SCIENCE! or MATH!, is the equation for force.

It applies to any and all uses of force.

Government is force. Period.

People who keep screaming for government to do something are only asking for more force. They deny this, but it is true. Government works by making threats and then dealing out punishment.

"Baker, you are an idiot," someone will say.

OK, show me an instance where government functions without having the ability to resort to punishment, whether just or unjust.

You can't.

Someone is going to say, "Baker, you have again proven that you are an idiot. Government is not force."

M'kay. Show me an example. Any example. One example. Give me one single example where government is not force and I'll admit to being wrong. Punishment = force.

You can't do it.

Government is force. Government is imposed on others. The verb "imposed" requires force. It implies resistance to that force and implies the ones being imposed upon resent it.

Mass and Acceleration make up the other side of the equation: Law is mass. The ability to make people follow the law, punishment, is acceleration.

Government creates law and then uses various means to enforce (see, the word force again) that law.

Whom the force belongs to is the only issue that can be debated. In a dictatorship, the tyrant has the force. In a true and classically defined democracy, the force belongs to a majority of the people.

Aside: The United States is not nor has it ever been a true democracy. The meaning of democracy has changed over time, so the US does semi-fit the modern definition. The US is a republic with strong oligarchy leanings.

In a republic, a majority of the voters (not a majority of the people), invest mass and acceleration into elected representatives. They combine to create force. Vigilante is another form of government

Government has to be force. There's just no way around it.

If government is not force, then there can be no law. Without law, there's no need for an enforcement mechanism. If there's an enforcement mechanism but nothing to enforce, then it is nothing.

Force is necessary. Absolutely necessary. The problem is when to reign in that force before it gets out of control.

What part of "No" is beyond your comprehension

The more I think about this, the more aggravated I get.

To 'splain - This time of year, I spend a LOT of time taking pictures after hours and on the weekend. Comes with the job. End of school stuff happens and it needs to be covered.

I really enjoy doing this. Truly. Putting pictures of the kids in the paper makes me happy.

However.

Some people apparently believe time is a flexible commodity. Some people believe that their time is the most important thing in the entire world. Some people believe that the world should go into suspended animation to wait for them to catch up.

You may say they don't believe this. I tell you actions speak louder than words and their actions say just that.

This does not JUST apply to kids and end of the year activities. Adults are just as bad. I have come to learn that any time a large group of people asks to have pictures made, someone is going to be late.

At these events, invariably, someone is going to show up late.

"Well __________ is not here. We need to wait."

No.

"But __________ is not here."

No.

"But—"

No.

Pictures are taken. Moved on to the next subjects.

"Can you retake..."

No.

"But ________ was not here."

No.

The time was announced. Everyone knew when they were supposed to be there.

Here's an old proverb-type saying: "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

In this, my sister and I are of one accord.

People who are late - nope, not going there.

People who are late are inconsiderate - nope, not going there.

Where adults are concerned, oh well. Where kids are concerned, it torques me because the young'un won't get all the recognition he deserves. However, kids also have to learn life lessons. Learning to be on time or suffer the consequences of being late is one of those lessons.

As previously noted, I can sometimes crop images together. Someone who was not present, I can sometimes put 'em into the picture. In the case of a genuine mistake, happy to do it. If an emergency kept the person away, happy to do it. If the person had a conflict and couldn't be there, happy to do it. At least happy to try to do it. No guarantees.

But because the person was late?

No.

"But you can do it."

No.

"Why won't you do it?"

No.

"Well, you're a right %*(&^($%"

No.

And, I was also on time. I didn't hold up everyone else in the group. So,

A mild rant on the freelance world

The freelance writing world has seen three major changes in my life, all of which have made it so much easier to be a writer and even harder to make a living as a writer.

1) Word processors and then the computers which followed them. One of my journalism professors, Mawk Arnold, brought a KayPRO to school. Tiny screen, think original Mac computer for those who might be more familiar with that, a tiny amount of RAM and it ran on two 5.25 floppies. At the time the journalism department was running a MicroTEK system that ran off a central unit with a dozen VDTs. We also had the only and I do mean the only laser printer on campus.

Typewriters were a thing of the past. Revisions were simple. More writers saw the light. More writers joined the field.

Jim Joseph, another favorite prof of mine, said he was contacted by B.A.S.S. in Montgomery to work for them as an editor. He told us manuscripts were sometimes sent to the magazine written in pencil.

2) Email. Not the Internet, but email. All of a sudden people who only dreamed of freelance writing were suddenly connected to editors around the world like never before. Submissions to outlets that bought freelance material exploded. Prior to email, newspapers had a hard time find columnists. Really. I am not kidding. With email, the available pool of wanna-be columnists exploded.

Even more writers signed up. Many offered to write for free just to get published.

So. Wrong.

3) Freelance collator sites. Again, not the Internet, but this came about because of the Internet. These sites, and there are a lot, give people looking to hire freelancers a ginormous pool of talent to choose from. I have profiles on the top sites, except one which banned me (really, banned, not kidding) and get regular emails about job offers.

Now, the entire world appears to be an expert writer. Because the pool of writers is so large, it's a buyer's market. I see job offers where the buyer wants 1,000 words for $1. Lemme tell you, I write fast. I can crank more than 1,000 words an hour on topics I know about.

There are writers out there getting less than $1 an hour for writing. Some of these writers are, of course, in third world countries. The Phillipines and India also have a lot of these writers.

This is worse than writing for free. The authors of these $1 projects never get credit for writing. The work appears under someone else's name.

Some caveats: I ghost write a lot. That means someone else takes credit for my writing. I also get decent pay for that and it's stuff I don't care about. As noted, I have profiles on the top sites, except one. I also get frequent emails from collator sites announcing jobs to bid on. I do bid on jobs offered on those sites. I rarely get a job probably because of my pay demands.

SCIENCE! and why absolutes bother me

I support SCIENCE! I really do.

Let's drop the annoying all caps and emphasis from here on. Just assume it's there.

Science has allowed me to live this long. Were I born 200 years ago, I'd have never made it to 5 years old. Various infections would have laid me out cold. Advances in science gave humans the ability to fight diseases, heal illness and so forth.

Science is behind your ability to read this. Science led to the clothes you wear (assuming you are wearing clothes). Science, science, science, science.

But.

Science has never actually created anything. By create I mean generate something entirely new, something never seen before, created from nothing.

Science has recombined things.

Someone is gonna point to the nano-second-lived radioactive particles like Einsteinium and others. Those are made by smashing other things together in particle accelerators. The sun, that ball of gas which supports most of the life on earth, is a particle accelerator. If we're to believe science, supernovas have been smashing stuff together for eons, probably even creating particles like Einsteinium. We have no idea what's created beyond the event horizon of a black hole.

No objections to the re-combination of things. Just saying that's what happened.

My next point is science has never explained anything. Science describes things.

2+2=4. This is science. However, no one has yet managed to explain exactly WHY a deuce and a deuce combines to form a quartet. It does. For the vast majority people, that's enough. For a real scientist, it's not. The search for why continues.

Science is also hampered, mmmm, make that severely handicapped by its limited ability to perceive things. By that I mean science can't see, feel, grasp, smell, touch, etc etc etc the world around us. Again, someone is going to object.

Dark matter.

Dark energy.

What about dark life? I don't mean the things that live deep in the earth or at the bottom of the ocean. I mean things that live within the dark matter and dark energy spheres. 

So I bring you this story of the late charlatan Sylvia Browne. I say charlatan and I mean it. Browne and the scum like her need to put in jail.

Science has so far not found firm evidence of the "paranormal" but that doesn't mean it does not exist. Means science hasn't found it. From a link above, "A few years back, scientists discovered that the ocean crust, previously considered a thick layer of lifeless rock that covers 60% of the Earth’s surface, actually contained some microbes. But the extent of the microbial ecosystem in the crust was unclear until a study published recently revealed that the 'dark biosphere' in the ocean crust might be one of the biggest ecosystems on the planet."

Aha.

So, just because Browne and the rest of the famous ones are frauds doesn't mean the abilities they don't have cannot exist. It is possible someone out there can do what the fakes claim. The fact that it hasn't been proven in controlled (i.e. lab) settings does not mean it doesn't exist. Just means we've not found sufficient evidence yet.
I also point you to the following science:

• The sun revolves around the earth


• It is impossible to operate on a living human's heart and that person survive


• A human cannot run a mile under four minutes


• Spontaneous generation


• Unicorns (of the magical horn variety)


• Phrenology


All now discredited. For now. As for what the future holds?

True science is not absolutes. It can't be.  Real science, the kind I like, says as much. It says "Well, based on what we know right now." That works for me.

Those who stand on absolute certainty, no matter the subject, no matter the topic, no matter the issue, well, they must be riding unicorns.

A more-random than usual observation

Lemme bore you for one second (or several) before I get around to making a lot of people mad.

SCIENCE! (if you follow my FB postings you'll get that) says disease is: "an impairment of the normal state of the living animal or plant body or one of its parts that interrupts or modifies the performance of the vital functions, is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms, and is a response to environmental factors (as malnutrition, industrial hazards, or climate), to specific infective agents (as worms, bacteria, or viruses), to inherent defects of the organism (as genetic anomalies), or to combinations of these factors" Merriam-Webster

According to SCIENCE! and this definition, a broken arm is a disease. A hangnail is a disease. Freezing to death is a disease, "a response to environmental factors ... climate." 

Yep. Those of us in the South who've suffered heat stroke or heat prostration, "bear-caught" in my neck of the woods, will absolutely agree that environmental factors can cause disease.

But, my issue is with addiction being a disease. The above definition says it is. I do not agree. Addiction is no more a disease than being fat, less. SCIENCE! also agrees with me and disagrees with me. Which side are you gonna believe?

Addiction can't be a disease. Disease is caused by something outside the control of the person so ailing. Lemme interject here I've beaten three addictions, four, depending on how you tally 'em. None were, are or will be disease.

Consider alcohol.

Alcoholism isn't a disease. It's a condition. Alcoholism requires a person to continue detrimental behavior for the addiction to progress. Stop drinking and the problem stops.

Alcoholism can lead to disease like cirrhosis of the liver. Many addictions can lead to disease.

Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a choice. A choice can't be a disease.

If addiction is a disease, then so is the pursuit of any other destructive behavior. Smoking is a disease. Diabetics eating doughnuts every day and driving their sugar to stratospheric levels is disease, not the diabetes itself.

Decisions should not be categorized as disease.

Faith in humanity restored

Now that is class. Citizens lining up to protect the police on W. North Ave. in Baltimore.

This image is from the Black Flag Tactical page on FB.

It clearly shows men standing in front of police officers in Baltimore to protect the officers from rioters.

Images like this and the video purported to be of a momma clobbered her son for being one of the rioters remind me that the world does have good people.

This morning on NPR aired an interview with a young man who looted stores. He was speaking the morning after his rampage and was aghast at what he'd done. He pointed out his community no longer had a place to shop, nowhere to buy groceries, shoes and so forth.

Remorse is good.

Standing up to those who do wrong is better.

Black Flag has plenty of comments on the above picture, including this one from Zach Colton: "Haha i keep seeing words like "real men" "leadership" and "community"....all things that pigs know nothing about."

I'll just let that comment rest there.

Far more common are comments like this from William John. "Mad respect for all those gentleman assisting the police to take back their streets. Even prouder to see the gentleman with the American flag on his shirt and American flag Bandana. Time for American's to come together as 1 UNITED, instead of the scum trying to rip us all apart."

When I linked the image to my page, me bud Jeff Wilson had this to say: "Actually, showing the bad is all its perverse glory is critically important. Why would good rise up if we remain ignorant of what we are facing? Just showing the response to evil will lead to questions about imbalance and inappropriateness of response- like showing a criminal being taken down by police, without having knowledge of the gunfight and 45 minute car chase that preceded it."

Respect.

So do it again

If you are an adult, annoying teenagers is pathetically easy.

Annoying them while teaching them a life lesson is also pretty easy.

Annoying them, teaching them a life lesson and making a point all the same time, not so easy.

Here's what you do.

Wait until a teenager does something painful or complains about doing something that was painful. Doesn't matter what it is. Pain must be involved. Bee sting. Stubbed toe. Banged head. Dropped cell phone and cracked screen. Whatever. Emotional, mental or physical pain, it's all good.

When the teen is done ranting, ask question 1:

Did you enjoy it?

The teenager is going to say "No" and probably say it a bit sullenly. Teenagers do a lot of things with a sullen attitude. We did. If the answer is No, proceed to question 2.

If the answer is yes, then reply "Well good. Do it again."

As I've never received a legitimate "Yes" to question 1, I don't know what kind of reaction to expect.

Question 2: Did you learn anything?

This answer will vary. But, the most common reply is "No."

If the answer is no, you say, "Well, do it again."

The teenager will be surprised, shocked and possibly aghast. Certainly the teen will think you have lost your mind. Correction. This will be further evidence that you, as an adult, have no mind and the world should be run by teenagers because they know everything and just need the chance to put their knowledge to work, just as soon as they get done sending a few more gazillion text messages.

If the answer is yes, you reply: "Well good. It wasn't a wasted experience."

More shock, amazement, aghast-ment and etc. Further proof to the teen that they should be in charge of everything and everyone over the age of 30 needs to be confined to a nursing home.

It is, of course, entertaining to annoy teenagers. But there's a much deeper meaning to this. I've yet to meet a teenager who understood it and I've met few adults who got it.

Bad would be an improvement

The writing on the side of the bottle has to read "HAHA! Stupid American idiots. They drink our brake fluid!"

Hovey provided this reminder, a picture of hell in a box.

This is not a case of Engrish because the writing was not in any form of English from either side of the Atlantic. For that matter, it might not be Chinese hieroglyphics. It could be random slashes of ink on the carton and the bottle.

If whoever designed the containers had drank much of that crap, it probably was random slashes in an attempt to spell out "I'VE BEEN POISONED TO DEATH! HELP ME!"

"That crap" was a box, bottle and liquid contents which Hovey Smith swears he got in China on a business trip a day or so before he came back to Georgia to attend the Georgia Outdoor Writers 2015 conference in St Marys.

I believe Hovey as he's never lied to me, nor given me reason to doubt him. After that ... stuff ... I have reasons for other opinions about Hovey, none of which I can go into here because he can shoot just as well as I can.

 Hovey said the Chinese call it "white liquor" as he sat down at the table with me and handed over a barest sip of the stuff in a plastic cup. I immediately thought of the "white" bourbon Jim Beam sometimes sells. It's the raw bourbon, before aging in the barrels.

"It has bamboo with a hint of machine oil. They like to get foreigners drunk on it," he said.

Hah. A challenge! Not that I intended to get smashed on the stuff, but I certainly had to sample this stuff which the Chinese like to foist on unsuspecting Westerners. I immediately thought of sheep's eyeballs and other "delicacies" foisted off on us Western types much to the amusement of the Eastern hosts.

I sipped. Being Southern Born, Southern Bred and determined to stand tall in the face of adversity, I put on my best poker face as it burned its way down. The burn wasn't that rough.

The taste. Well now.

That stuff would have to go a LONG way to be called bad. I'm thinking a 20-year soak in burnt oak casks might bring it to the level of moderately effective paint thinner.

Vile. Demonically vile. UnConstitutional punishment vile even during the days witches were burned at the stake. In the Sandman Slim novels, the main character drinks something brewed in Hell. Richard Kadrey got the idea for that whisky from the stuff Hovey had. Machine oil, you bet. Bamboo, yep. A complex host of other tastes found in the world's biggest metal foundries that set up shop next to outdoor commercial tanneries and piped the combined effluent out into a fermenting vat into which semi-rotted carp scales were dumped for flavor.

I felt my genes mutating.

Except worse. No. You can't imagine. Be more thankful than you can imagine that you haven't found out and pour on greater hope that you will never try it.

"They love it," Hovey said.

While Hovey did not lie to me, I feel certain the Chinese lied to him.

I told Hovey alcoholics who shoot hair spray into water to remove the alcohol for drinking would sip that stuff and become stone cold sober and never, ever drink again.

He laughed.

Polly tried it a second time because she could not believe her first taste. Words fail me.

I was certain the last bit of the stuff was going to dissolve the cup. Even the scent was enough to cross my eyes and people who know me tell you I have no sense of smell. (That, thanks to a walk through a cloud of anhydrous ammonia when I was 5).

It took four good bourbon and sodas to erase the taste. It took that much to straighten my insides out.

Intrinsically vile. You'd serve this to people whom you hate so badly you want them to keep living.

Even now I can remember it and the memory is causing my stomach to cramp.

I'll see if I can get a bottle to share with y'all next time you come around.

I ain't a racist ... or am I?

Crost my FB thread this morning comes a link to a crowdfunding site raising money for the gent behind the VSU flag flap. Yer not getting a link to it from me.

I admit to not having a clue how other people think unless they tell me. The gal behind this campaign tells me exactly how she thinks in her rants on the fundraising page. For that matter, so did that the guy behind the flag protest, if I am to believe the media reports.

Dunno what your definition of racism happens to be, but the sewer system these two are spouting is my definition of it.

I ain't racist. I hate everybody equally. AR HAR HAR!

I don't hate people because of their tan lines. That'd be like hating someone because of their hair color. Why? What's the point? There are plenty of reasons to dislike someone, reasons that have everything to do with how that person acts, thinks and talks.

That kind of stuff can be controlled. You can control what you say. You can control what you think. You can control what you do.

Aside from serious medical intervention, you cannot control how tall you are.

You absolutely cannot control who your ancestors from 100 years ago happen to be.

Control what you can. Let the rest slide.

When it comes to the stuff you CAN control, yeah.

I ain't a racist, but (yeah yeah, I know, nothing good ever comes next) I'll bet you the gal behind that fundraising campaign and the guy behind the flag protest will tell you I'm racist.  I'd like to see their criteria for defining a racist.

Ah so.

Yeah, I'll trash the flag too!

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Thinking about this kept me up last night. Literally.

The Flag Flap at Valdosta State University is causing heads to go all splodey.

While I'm all in favor of exploding heads, especially in certain people, I am extremely in favor of exploding heads of the majority of people who are up in arms about the flag-walking incident.

Lemme state right here, right now in front of God, you, my readers in South America and whatever terrorists and federal officials are reading this blog: I'm ready to trash the United States Flag in the most vile and foul manner I can think of.

Now that I have exploded some more heads, here's the usual verbose explanation.

Following the incident when a few college students with more anger than sense decided to walk on an American flag and a former Playboy model and veteran snatched the flag up to prevent 'em from continuing to do so, a massive rally was held at VSU with "patriots" flying the flag everywhere.

"Patriots" around the nation have rallied to the gal who thought nothing of showing off her boobs, butt and shaved crotch while wrapped in an American flag and sometimes wearing part of a uniform.

I am trying VERY hard to avoid profanity here. It ain't easy.

The majority of these flag wavers piss me off.

The majority of these flag wavers make me want to paint a giant US flag on the middle of I-75.

The majority of these flag wavers make me want to grab their flags and do despicable things with 'em.

Yeah. I'll trash the flag too.

Why?

Because these people have turned a symbol into something MORE important than what the symbol represents. I am reminded of religious people who venerate objects rather than try to live the lessons taught by their faith.

Yeah. I'll trash the flag too.

I won't be happy about trashing the flag. It will make me angry. But I'll do it. I won't like it. I will not be fit company for other human beings (which assumes I am fit for human company at other times) for a while afterward. But I'll do it.

Why?

To make a point.

Where in the whole multiverse are all these protestors when it comes to supporting our veterans? Where are they when it's time to put up or shut up when it's time to back those men and women to died to support what the flag stands for?

Lemme make this personal. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

Where are you when a veteran commits suicide?

Where are you when a veteran needs a place to live?

Where are you when a veteran dies because of a POS VA Health Care system?

Where are you when a veteran needs a job?

Where are you when Congress sticks its collective thumb up its rear end and refuses to do what's right by our veterans?

Rally in the street did you? Tote your flags demanding justice did you? Scream for reform as loudly as you could, did you?

Some of you did. Some of you have backed our veterans with everything you could do.\

You.

So.

Rock. 

You folks, yeah. You are part of reason trashing the flag makes me angry. Our veterans are another part.

But as for the rest of you flag-waving - nope. Not going there.

As for the rest of you who can only be stirred from your apathy only when your personal sensibilities are affronted ...

As for the rest of you who are so massively offended by someone walking on the flag that you rushed out and bought Made in China flags of your own ...

As for the rest of you - nope. Still not going there.

If flag desecration is what it takes to get you off your - dammit this is harder than I expected - to get you up and moving to do something, then yeah, I'll trash the flag too. And I'm gonna revile you every instance I'm trashing the flag.

Our veterans are so much more important than a piece of material with red, white and blue coloring. Our veterans deserve so much more than what you are giving them. They deserve so much more than what you're even willing to give them.

If flag desecration is what it takes to motivate you to FINALLY do the right thing, yeah, I'll trash the flag too.

If this what it takes to get you up and moving to demand more for our veterans, then hand me a flag. I need to go to the bathroom.