Putting on the black robe

I heard a preacher talk about marriage t'other the day.

He spoke of young people coming to him wishing him to marry them, to each other of course. He said many of these young people, during counseling, admit to living together.

"We don't condemn people or judge them. But we do tell them they are wrong."

Exact quote.

Now I ain't the sharpest spoon in the tool shed, but last time I checked if you tell someone "You are wrong" and you're not referring to math homework, you are condemning them.

If I am wrong, someone correct me. Please.

The preacher's statement says he is passing judgment on the person.

If he was not passing judgment and condemning the person, he would have said "What you are DOING is wrong."

That statement puts the condemnation and judgment on the action, not the person. It makes no editorial comment about the personal worth of the person. It says the person has made a mistake, which can be immediately rectified and being rectified, forgotten.

But no, this preacher who spoke of love and acceptance chose to focus on the person.

Mmph. And church leaders wonder why church attendance is declining.

Brace yourself, here comes a transmission exploder.

For a while now I've been talking to a friend going through a tough spot. The tough spot has dramatically reordered his (or her, but I shall use his as a generic pronoun for simplicity) life. He's lost "friends." People who'd once defend him before anyone now denigrate, deride, destroy and a whole buncha other D-words, including damn, him. The former "friends" are trying to make him out to be the most horrible person you can imagine.

It's hurt my friend. A lot. (Note to my friend - don't worry I shan't identify you any more than I already have.)

Whatta ya do for a friend like that? You be there for him. You let him lean on you until he can stand on his own.

You might need someone to lean on some day. It's be good to have a friend who'll be there to let you lean on him, eh?

Which kinda, but not really, brings me to my point today.

The Bard once said "Methinketh he doth protest too much." Or something like that.

If my friend was such a bad person to begin with, why did the former "friends" have such a close association with him to begin with? An association, I add, which lasted for decades in many cases. If the former "friends" judgment was that bad to begin with, do you think their ability to judge has improved? Or are the former "friends" trying to cover up something?

Are they trying to cover their own faults, flaws and failings by diverting attention to my friend's supposed failings?

Why don't they focus on their own need to improve, instead of gleefully pointing out perceived failings in my friend? We all need to improve, me more than most.

Logging chains.

Are they in denial? a situation I wrote about recently.

Am I completely off track here? Am I trying to cover up something of my own? Could be. Maybe someone can point out my errors so I can go about correcting them.

I have made some observations in my 40+ years of upright ambulation. So I ask a few questions based on those observations, admitting I may be confused and could have it completely backward.

Why is it that a person who has the most to hide yells the loudest about other people? Why are they trying to divert attention from themselves?

Is the only way they can achieve satisfaction by thwarting someone else?

What are people doing when they spend so much of their time attempting to destroy someone else? Are they hiding something personal? Is their self-esteem so low the only way they can feel superior is to belittle another?

Are they worried about what someone else might say about them?

What good does hating do? (Except hating armadillos. That happens to be healthy. Yes. I have proof.)

Judgment. I used to be a person who judged others. Some folks will tell you I still do. May be. I'm try to avoid it. I have enough issues of my own to deal with. Some folks will tell you these pieces I write are judgmental and I agree, but not for the reason most of you are thinking.

If you judge (which is another way of saying condemn if the judgment is negative), are you willing to be judged by the same standards? Not the same matter or issue at hand, but the same standards. Standards are ideals, not situations and facts and observations.

If you are willing to judge yourself, what's the verdict if you are really being honest? Can you be honest enough to judge yourself?

When you put on the black robe of judgment, will you be fair to everyone especially yourself?

Regardless, my good friend, my hurting friend, I'm not gonna judge you. I'm just gonna continue being here for you as long as you'll let me and as long as I'm around. Hey. Call me if you need to.