Tarnished, but polishing it now

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Someone, I forget who, said the only thing your Daddy is going to leave you which is worth anything is his name.

Just call me Blank Spot.

So what's your name worth these days? In other words, when you give your word, is it worth trusting?

You don't have to answer me. I don't matter. You matter. As the Bard said, "To thine own self be true."

Are you being true to yourself?

Can you be trusted?

As for me, I'm trying. I'm not the man I once was and I'm not the man I should be. My reputation has plenty of tarnish on it, but I'm also busy polishing it.

Take this weekend for instance.

Flame Fire Ant, festival mascot.

A local crackhead, whom I have written about previously, was at the Fire Ant Festival grounds helping the lights and sound crew unload their truck. Odis and I were busy as well, moving stuff from the Fest mini storage to the festival grounds.

Part of this was a carpet to cover the main stage. Odis & I drug it about halfway to the stage when I asked for a break. Odis pointed over my shoulder. Crackhead was coming.

"He'll help. If I have to set this thing down one more time, it's staying there," Odis said.

They got the carpet moved. Odis and I unloaded everything else. As we prepared to head out, I said, "Hang on. Got something to do." As I walked to where CH was still working, I yelled over my shoulder, "Got a promise to live up to."

I got up to CH and handed him some cash.

CH, I remind you, has repeatedly lied to me. Repeatedly. Made promises he never lived up to. In general he is a stereotypical crack head.

But. I told him that if I ever had work for him, he could do it and I'd pay him.

He was working Friday morning. Not just for me, but for the whole community. I'm sure the Lights & Sound guy paid him.

That did not excuse me from living up to my promise. I told him I'd pay him.

I did.

When I handed him the cash, I told him there'd be more work to do over the weekend.

He nodded, thanked me. shoved the money in his pocket without looking at it and manhandled more concert equipment. I left.

When I got back he was gone. He also never showed again, that I could see, during the rest of the weekend.

I am positive he took the money I gave him and the money he got from the L&S guy and spent it getting wasted. I expected him to do so. That annoys me.

But it still does not excuse me from living up to my promise. Just because he can't be trusted does not mean I shouldn't be trusted. I have to stand on my own merits, which are shaky but are getting firmer all the time.


Maybe some day I will be able to leave something of real worth to my kids as my own Dad left to me.



Lotta polishing left to do.