This'n gonna generate some hate mail

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If you just looked at a picture, you'd see just a young man, nothing remarkable, quite ordinary.

If you observed him for a few minutes, then you would notice this young man is remarkable and not ordinary.

And - yes, I'm going there - annoying. Immensely annoying.

That comment is going to generate some grief for me. So be it. I'm only giving voice to what so many other people are thinking.

The young man I refer to has autism. I didn't "meet" him as much as I had to endure him for about an hour one night in a restaurant.

As he and his family, more than a dozen, filed into the restaurant he came in waving his arms and howling low and long. Not a piercing howl, but not muted either. Loud enough to override conversations in the dining establishment.

He was seated directly behind me. For the entire time I & my family stayed in the restaurant we were treated to his howls. I looked back a a few times. All but one time, he had his hands in the air waving or his fingers in his ears. He was still only once when I looked back.

Yes, I also thought of monkeys in a tree, howling and throwing their feces at predator below them. I 'spect this comment too will earn me some grief, but I am only giving voice to the very thoughts so many people have.

I've been around autistic people in the past. Loud sounds bother some them and they try to shut the sound out by competing directly sound for sound. Why autistic people wave their arms and flap their hands is something still be studied.

I wondered, to myself, what the restaurant folks would do if the young man grew so strident in his howls that people began to complain. The restaurant was definitely in a no-win situation.

If they said the family and the autistic man had the right to stay, other customers would be annoyed and possibly leabe. If they asked the family and young man to leave, the restaurant would reap a storm of negative publicity as the family went to the media, possibly sued and so on.

Does the family of this young man have the right to a evening out? They brought a cake into the restaurant so I'm guessing it was someone's birthday. Do they have right to a public celebration?

Looking for a balancing act.

Of course.

Do the rest of the restaurant patrons have the right to enjoy their meal without someone constantly howling loud enough to drown out their conversation?

Of course.

So who has the greater right? Is there a greater right? Can both be equal?

My opinion? The young man should have been seated in the back (the family was in a corner) away from people. He was seated at the outer edge of the table, closer than anyone else in his family to rest of the people in the restaurant.

If he could not be controlled, he should leave. And that comment too will bring me even more grief.

Yes, they do.

Had this been a drunk at the bar, the restaurant would have demanded he leave and the rest of the patrons would be happy. Is there a difference between the drunk and the autistic boy? Yes.

The difference is: Who is responsible for the person's actions.

Sound harsh? It is reality. An autistic person, like that boy, who commits murder cannot be given the death penalty. A drunk who kills someone can be given the death penalty.


So I ask: Who is responsible for the boy with autism? How far should we go to make accommodations for such a boy?

I remind you, I am the father of a disabled child and a non disabled child. My two quickly learned that when in public, such as a restaurant, they could behave or they would not be in public. I did pick them up and walk out of a restaurant, leaving a meal on the table. The remaining child and momma finished the meal, paid and brought ours out to the vehicle in carryout containers.

My family's right to a night out does not mean I have the right to let my children overrun some other family's night out.

As you prepare to send me hate mail, remember, I'm only giving public voice to the very thoughts you have held some time or another.