The Gross National Debt

Monday, October 17, 2016


Dunno where the idea of a "slam" originated when it means to achieve a goal. Not gonna look it up either, but I suspect in baseball with a grand slam homer.

Regardless, a slam has expanded. It's now part of the hunting world. There are various kinds of slams. A Grand Slam is getting all of the major variants of a single species of critter.  Some say it has to be done in a single season. I don't. I think if you get at least one of each of the subspecies, then you have a grand slam.

This guy almost got a grand slam. I say almost because he's missing one. This one.

I don't intend to try to beat his accomplishment. I have my own slam in mind - a weapons slam. It's my goal to put meat on the table with one of every major class of weapon. What kind of meat is not important. What is important is the weapons used.

Today, I realized much to my chagrin, I am 4 short of a Grand Slam, not 3.

Lemme run down the accomplishment list and the 3 I previously thought as the only missing weapons. See if you can figure out the one I skipped.

Hands - I have put meat on the table after dispatching the main course with my bare hands.

Knife - Sometimes, ya can't use a gun and supper is too big to take out with with bare hands unless you are Bruce Lee.

Air gun - Yep. Poppped squirrel and rabbits for the pot with a pellet rifle. First rabbit I ever killed. Was sitting on the tractor in the middle of the road. Saw a rabbit in the field. Took him out. Greatly surprised Dad.

Handgun - Rabbits, turtles, hogs, deer, coon. Rimfire and centerfire.

Shotgun - Well, yeah. I gotta shotgun, rifle and a four wheel drive and this country boy can survive. Birdshot, buckshot and slugs.

Rifle - Longest confirmed kill, 130 yards. The 8 point is on the wall and I am looking at him as I type. Kills with rimfire and centerfire. Largest animal I ever killed, 1,500 pounds, dropped in tracks with a single shot from a .22 rimfire.

Muzzleloader - Popped a hog with a .45 cap & ball. Wounded it. Finished it with a shotgun. Does that count? OK, then the deer I dropped in his tracks with a frontstuffer will count. As does the buffalo.

Bow - I am one of the few hunters to kill more than one rattlesnake with a bow & arrow and then eat the snakes.

Vehicle - Not a weapon you say? Ok. Not a weapon. Still, I have clobbered various and sundry critters and picked up a few of them for supper.

What 3 did I need before I remembered the 4th? I give you a hint on the 4th. Pneumatic.

Sling - I'm good with a hand spun sling or a rubber-banded slingshot to meet this category. Expect this to be a rabbit or squirrel. YMMV. I am looking at a Whisker Biscuit on a stout slingshot. Shoot an arrow instead of a pellet.

Spear - Hog is #1 on the agenda followed by deer, maybe a gator. If necessary, a big bullfrog. Frog legs are quite tasty. Maybe a fish, flounder, salmon, stingray. Lots of options here.

Sword - Pretty self explanatory. Most likely this will be a hog kill. As I am not into cannibalism, my daughter's ex boyfriends are safe, at least from being turned into BBQ.

Someone is going to say "crossbow." That's just a bow mounted to a gun stock. Got my gun and bow kills. My list, my rules. YMMV.

An atlatl is just a supercharged spear.

Got it yet? It is used for hunting.

As it happens, I do have this weapon around here (somewhere). It is lethal. It is regulated in some places. It is the easiest to make (except for fire-hardened wood tip spear) and very likely the hardest to make a kill with. Hands are not made, so they don't count.

Another hint - whoosh. One more hint:

Got it yet?

The 4th weapon I need to use to achieve a weapons grand slam is - a blowgun. Bonus points to you if you figure out the three clues. If you can't message me. This kill will be a bird, frog or squirrel most likely.

A Super Grand Slam is you make all the weapons and then kill something with 'em. I'd love to do that, but don't have the megabucks to invest in boring and rifling barrels from blank stock for a handgun, shotgun, a rifle and a muzzleloader.


29 Nov. 2016

Driving around town today I realized I goofed again. I am just 3 short of a weapons grand slam. I've taken food critters with a spear. Speared fish in a pond.

So just need 3 more.

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