The Gross National Debt

Friday, April 6, 2012

Frydee Funnee - Call with questions or comments

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What is the purpose of having a toll free number to ask call and ask questions if the person who answers the phone won’t answer your question?

To explain: Consider the pack of jawbreakers I’m presently using to ruin my teeth and the $62 repair job Dr. Dent did for me last week. Look on the package. Does it have a toll free number to call with questions? No. Obviously a bad example then.
Mental floss. Clean your brain.

Since I’m on dental hygiene, look at the unopened pack of dental floss I have. It does have a toll free number to call with questions.

I called.

“Hello” said a pleasant voice on the other end. “This is (the company’s) Consumer question line. How may I help you?”

“Hi. I’m presently ruining my expensive dental work with cheap jawbreakers, and probably driving my sugar levels through the roof. When I’m done I may need to use some of the dental floss I bought from one of your stores. If I have any teeth left and am not in a sugar coma, that is,” I said.

“Well. Um. Good,” Pleasant Voice said. “What I can do for you?”
G'head. I'll wait.

“I saw on your package that if I call this toll free number I can ask questions or offer comments,” I said.

Pleasant Voice admitted this is the case.

“Ok. Question 1. Provided I’m not unconscious on the floor from a sugar overdose and have not destroyed my teeth crushing jawbreakers, I pull a string of dental floss out of the container. I floss my teeth. When I’m done can I use the string as a bungee jump cord?”

There was no answer from Pleasant Voice.

“Hello?” I said.
Live large. On your computer.

“I don’t think that would be wise, sir,” Pleasant Voice said. “Our dental floss is not meant to be used as a bungee cord.”

“But could I?” I asked.

“We don’t recommend that,” Pleasant Voice said. “Besides which, and this is just my opinion, the string will probably not hold you. It will break.”

“Are you saying I’m fat?” I asked.

“Oh no sir,” Pleasant Voice said. I can hear the worry in her voice.

“S’ok. I am fat,” I said. “Besides I wasn’t going to be the one bungee jumping. I was going to teach the fleas in my flea circus to bungee jump off the edge of my desk.”

Pleasant Voice went silent again.

“I see I can also make comments,” I said.

“Yes sir,” Pleasant Voice said. I can hear the hesitation in her. Right about now, she was probably wishing she’d listened to her mother when her Mom said “go to college and become a doctor or marry one.”

“Phred, he’s my ringmaster in the flea circus, is really not pulling his weight any more. I’m going to retire him,” I said.

“Sir. This line is for people to ask questions and offer comments about our products,” Pleasant Voice said.

“Ok,”I said. “Can I use the dental floss to hang Phred?”

Pleasant Voice hung up.

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