Yer Friday Funny

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I've never had much use for tact.

You can say I come by it honestly. My grandfather was a man who did not know the definition of tact. He thought diplomacy meant you had to stand around in uncomfortable suits meeting very important people, like the Queen of England, while other people took pictures.

Aspect, according to Grandpa's unwritten Rules of Living, was what happened when you walked into the chicken coop and turned your back on the head bantam rooster.

Grandpa never beat around the bush unless he was quail hunting or had a fishing lure hung in tree.

If you needed to know something, Grandpa was of the considered opinion you needed to know it, you needed to know it right away and you needed to know it in very clear terms. I well remember him delivering a a few short sentences that could blast a 250 year old oak tree to toothpicks or turn an acorn into a 10-foot circumference oak tree in seconds.

At the same time if you didn't need to know, like as not he would not bother to say much of anything. He figured you could work your own way through it and if you needed his help, you'd ask.

When I was in high school, considering colleges, I was over at his house one day doing something. The door of my truck was open and there was a fifth of something visible.

"You don't need to think you're going to go off to college and stay drunk all the time," he said and that was ALL he said. Whatever reply I offered is lost to history, but definitely included something along the lines of "Yes, sir."

He was right too. I was sober when I ran out of money.

When I came home from college for some reason I was over to see Grandma and went to get a towel out of the closet. I spied a bottle in the back - Bourbon. No question it belonged to Grandpa, who had gone on his Permanent Fishing Trip by that time. I took it back to college with me and used it to get me past a brief period of financial embarrassment.

I can tell this story since Grandma has relocated to be with Grandpa now.

Dad told me to knock off early one day and run by Grandpa's house to see if he wanted to go fishing. It didn't take telling me twice.

I pulled up in the yard and walked in the house. Never bothered knocking. Grandpa couldn't hear it anyway.

I walked into the den. He was sitting in his recliner with an adult magazine, the kind sold with brown wrappers covering most of the cover.

"You wanna go fishing?" I said loudly enough for him to clearly hear me.

The magazine literally sailed over his head to land somewhere behind his chair.

Before he got done saying "Yep." he was out the front door. I did not believe my Grandpa could move that fast until that day.

GO CHICK FIL A

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S. Truett Cathy, in case you don't know, is the founder of the Chick Fil A fast food joint chain.

Now you should be connected. If case you're living under a rock, go google the news for Chick Fil A and come back to finish reading.

In the meantime

GO TRUETT GO! and GO CHICK FIL A GO!

I have not lost my mind. I have not changed my opinions regarding same-gender marriage and people attracted to members of the same sex.

It took a post from my longtime friend Pakrat, on FB, to remind me of something very important in this none-news item (which I am further putting in the public eye).

GO TRUETT GO! and GO CHICK FIL A GO!

Mr. Cathy has a taken a stand for his beliefs and principles and is weathering the storm for this.

All the better to step on you with.

Gotta say it again.  GO TRUETT GO! and GO CHICK FIL A GO!

That I do not agree with Mr. Cathy's statements, opinions and personal stance on this issue is entire irrelevant.

The simple fact is, Mr. Cathy is demonstrating a piece of anatomy which far too many people are lacking. Mr. Cathy is proving he is part of the Chordate phylum.

In other words, Mr. Cathy has a spine.

Spines are  lacking far too often in this world. To give the current president credit for having a spine, he personally orders drone attacks on suspected terrorists. He does not delegate this responsibility as his predecessor did. That takes a modicum of backbone. Unfortunately on far too many other matters, he and most of those in Washington have the approximate bone mass of a fleet of cannonball jellyfish.

Mr. Cathy, in espousing his belief on homosexuality, is embodying one of the major principles of this nation.

Their version of free speech.

The right to have and express an opinion.

More power to him!

Those who are angered at him and seek to shut down his free speech are, frankly, the kind of idiots who need to put up against the wall. They seek to silence a free flow of information. They see to usurp the bastion of a free world. They are the Thought Police of the Orwellian nightmares who would have us all forced into one mold, one pattern, one way of everything.

In short, they do not want freedom.

I do not agree with Mr. Cathy's opinion and position. I say so publicly. Those who would seek to shut Mr. Cathy's mouth also seek to close mine.

I will not accept that.

At the same time, Mr. Cathy's business may suffer. Those who disagree with him and his views may take their dining business elsewhere. To you who intend to do this, I say.

GO BABY GO! I'm right behind you all the way!

You see, I support Mr. Cathy's freedom to have and express his opinions. I support the freedom of other people to not do business with Mr. Cathy's chain if they do not support him.

Freedom.

True freedom means the right to choose, not have decisions forced on you.

Ah Yogi, where for art me?

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No matter what I say, no matter what I write, no matter how many disclaimers I include, someone is gonna get bent.

My 'stache is MUCH better.

The bent individual will accuse me of all kinds of things not limited to: personal attacks, racism, idiocy, stupidity, being a Reboobican, a Damnocrat, an anarchist, a fascist. I've even been compared to Hitler.

Well.

This week I took a phone call from a highly irate individual complaining vigorously and vociferously about the county in which I reside.

I tuned him out.

"Yep." Uh-huhn." "Aaight." and so for is all I said.

Still not real clear what he was ranting about, but I wanna think it's because he got a speeding ticket.

Anyway, one thing piled on another and jammed into another and so forth and so on.

So, I politely stated my opinion about my community, which I repeat here:

Image not included in original post.

I have something to say here.

I live in Turner County because I choose to. I love it here. I support the community as much as I can I support our local businesses as much as I can.

I do not like to shop outside Turner County unless I have no choice.

I believe in Turner County.

If you live in Turner County and do not believe in this community as I do, please do us both a favor and remove me from your friends list. Then, please do us all a favor and move out of Turner County.

That's it. To my mild surprise some people defended my position and others attacked it. The attacks did not surprise me, nor did the defense. It was the people doing it who mildly surprised me.

I smash you with my breasts of steel! (your argument is invalid)

To my greater surprise, my post was linked to another person's update on FB. This launched a whole 'nother round of discussions.

This is why I say there ain't no good time. No matter what is done, someone is going to take it personally. Doesn't matter if it is as impersonal as an asteroid smacking the earth. Someone is going to get bent. Most likely this person was already bent and just needed an excuse to complain.

Lots of people seize the opportunity to have me say things I never said, never believed and sometimes never even thought of.

I never said most of the things I said. Yogi Berra

Ah, Yogi, what a statesman you are. I could give you many more quotes from this baseball (I think) legend, but you can look them up yourself.

It just reinforces the fact that politicians don't have a lock on doublespeak and taking things outta context. It happens to me nearly daily.

I stand behind what I say unless and until someone genuinely corrects me. Then, I note the mistake, the correction and adjust my stance to reflect reality.

In the meantime, people are going to misinterpret, mistake and downright lie about me and what I say. So be it. I ain't gonna change, unless someone presents real information which shows I am wrong. Then I will change.

Until then, I ain't changing.

And your excuse is...

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Tuesday the Kiwanis club had a young man come and speak to us. This young man, like so many across the nation, has grand and sweeping visions. Unlike the great majority, he's taking steps to implement them.

If you can identify these people ... you're not gonna like what follows

But, exactly like the majority of people in this nation, he's pretty much clueless unless it concerns his very immediate sphere of concern. He specifically said he had no idea what Kiwanis was until he was invited to come speak. Then he did a bit of research.

This young man is a success, which he attributed to his parents and older siblings.

He's wrong in that.

This young man is a success because he set out to be a success. He invested in himself and plowed ahead despite obstacles in his path. While I have no doubts his parents and siblings were important, what remains is he decided.

Now, he's come back to the community he thought he'd never live in again and wants to make this a better place.

I salute him. I look forward to working with him, alongside him and, yes, challenging him when I think he's wrong.

I have no doubt many people in my community will also assail, berate, attack and vilify him. I tell you these people have no right to do so.

I have that right.

You may now say I am more full of manure than a constipated elephant.

So I ask you -



What are you doing today, beyond the requirements of your job and what's needed to make a living,  to make your community a better place?

If all you do is have a job, collect a paycheck and pay your bills, you don't have much room to complain when a person like the young man I mention gets off his butt, out of his house and puts forth volunteer efforts to make his community a better place to live.

A community is improved, made better and quality of life rises only when people step out of their comfort zone and get their hands dirty.

So what right do I have to say this? Me? I have literally shoveled horse manure from the streets in my town. What else?

Do your hands look like this outside of your yard?

My shoveling episode and everything else I do is irrelevant, beyond the fact I do them. Why I do these things is what is important. The young man I mention, if he follows up on his promises, myself and the other people who stand next to me with a shovel do it because we want a better community.

We're willing to put our money, our very real money which earn from our jobs and something far more valuable than money on the line to make this happen.

As my longtime friend Lee Ann Fisch says, "Time is what is important."

We give our time.

So, I tell you if you can identify the people in the opening picture of this column, chances are quite good that you don't do much of anything to help your community unless you are forced to do so.

The young man I mention is embarked on a harsh road. He's going to be excoriated by people who can ID the opening picture. I know. I get attacked frequently for my efforts to make my community a better place.

But hey, Jesus was spit on when He carried the cross. I reckon the young man and I are in good company then.


Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
Eleanor Roosvelt

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein

Just because I wonder

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Unless you live in a place, as I do, where parents name their children by dumping a box of Alphabits cereal on a flat surface, chances are fairly good the young'uns playing in your neighborhoods have names which are ordinary.

Aaaand another baby is named.

The Social Security Administration has released a list of the most popular baby names.

I am surprised to see what I considered to be somewhat older names coming back. Abigail being a good example. Growing up, I can't remember a single person my age with that name. Older people, yes.

If you look at the ranking change list, you'll see Hispanic and Moslem names scooting their way up the charts.

I'm just making an observation here. Infer what you will (and some of you will, I know).

That aside, I ask what's in a name. Many cultures but current and historic put a great deal of emphasis on a name. The name defined a person, his role, his status, his past and future. The name described a person. I am reminded here of Jabez from the Old Testament and Naomi who changed her name to Mara.

My kids are each named for their grandparents. Jesse never met his namesakes. Susan has only met one of her namesakes.

My name, so I am told, is a traditional family name and was given to male members of the Baker Clan, some of whom have moved away. Yet the tradition has continued with some of them as I've had chances over the years to hear from some of 'em.

How about your name? How'd you come to it? Does it have any meaning beyond a collection of letters and issued phonemes by which you are  called?

Just curious on a Tuesday afternoon with a thunderstorm overhead.

Whew

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I sit here with various dirt-packed automobile fluids on my hands and arms, having just worked on the Foad again (and lost my 7/16ths wrench to boot) happier than I have been in some time.

I fixed the truck (thanks Sam!) and got the beast done.

The magazine is at the press. I am now waiting to make sure everything is copacetic on their end. When I get the Thumbs Up, I may very well curl into a ball, roll under my desk and weep.

This 32-page magazine is the first I have ever put out. It is the first The Wiregrass has put out. The paper is 110 years old this year.

The staff here is simply awesome for putting up with me as I designed and laid this thing out with their magnificent help. I could not have done it without Linda & Robin. They, I think, could have done it without me.

I've been in newspapers more'n 25 years now. I'm not gonna say I'm the best in the business, but I can do what's needed.

But a magazine.

It's like riding a bicycle and a motorcycle. The same very basic skill set applies to both. If you've never ridden a motorcycle, but can ride a bike, the first time you get on a motorcycle...

That's what it was like with this magazine. I can only recall stress levels being this high around here two other times. The source of that stress is no longer here. Which is good. Because had that source remained here, someone would be moldering in a grave right now.

It's done. We're all happy here. Very happy. And very relieved.

The magazine will be out at the end of the month. Yes, we have ordered extra copies. If you get a print subscription, you'll get a copy. We're working on getting the magazine on the website as well.

Meantime, here's another preview.

Lenny? Lenny? Brother, I understand.

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By today's standards, the late Lenny Bruce's stand up comedy act was mild. Yet, he was repeatedly arrested for obscenity. At first, he took great delight in these arrests and was proud of it. As time moved on and his arrest record grew, he got increasingly weary of it.

Booking shot of Lenny Bruce

This week I have been, lightly in one instance, accused of being a troublemaker. I agree with that.

When you try and make people think you will be branded a malcontent, a troublemaker, a social anarchist and a whole buncha other pejoratives.

Hurt me baby make me write bad checks.

A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill.
Robert A. Heinlein

This week I was also attacked verbally. Not the first time and no question it won't be the last.

Here's the briefly edited (you can see my edits) attack. Profanities are direct from the original writer, not me

Be very afraid

Half way thru building the first awning..big ben baker n _____ ________ pop up for a visit. Saying it was a state and city law that I was breaking because I didn't ask their permission before I dressed my building up. No additions, no concrete footers, just adding 4 awnings. The historical committee has been in action for 8 years and they have never told anyone NO on any improvements, yet they want me to hold off on work for almost 5 days so they can all get together and tell me if my awnings will be historically correct? Lol. If the answer is always yes, then why do u have to ask? Simple... power trip , egotistical bullshit. Why isn't there any new business in this town? I wonder. Why do businesses never come here? Hmmm. Wish the power trip bastards that constantly harass me would get the hell on. I guarantee one thing, if I ever get enough damn approval from these s.o.b.'s and manage to get open, there is gonna be a list posted on my door that will tell just who will not be allowed in my business. No matter how much money they may wanna spend, or how much they might wanna snoop, or take pictures, they ain't gonna be allowed. So write ur stupid ass stories in the paper, try to tell people another version all u want. People know bullshit when they see it...and there are two clowns in this town that are dripping with it.

You can read the thread on my page if you wish and with some navigation skills, find the other threads on other people's pages.

Let me ask what you'd have done under the circumstances, based on the information above. Pick a side. Either side. Tell me.

I point out here I went to the person in question and repeatedly asked he comply with the law. Asked. I was well within my rights to get a law enforcement officer, have the above gent charged with various infractions and haul everyone to court.

I asked. Repeatedly. I never swore, despite being sworn at.

Now what would you do? Has your opinion changed?


In the midst of being sworn at and insulted, I called a meeting of the board this man needed to appear before. I explained when the meeting was and what he needed to do. Later that evening the meeting was moved up to the next day.


The man in question came to the meeting and spent most of his time apparently looking at his cell phone. He answered a couple of questions. He got the approval he needed, unanimously.

What would you do? How would you have reacted? Did I do right or was I wrong?


In the aftermath, I have again been insulted and verbally attacked. It's damned all hard to restrain myself and not respond in kind, but I'm doing it. I was in the right and continue to be in the right.


As I have repeatedly said, if you don't like the laws, work to change them. To this statement I add, if you defy those laws, expect to pay the costs associated with your rebellion.


But to verbally attack, cuss at and denigrate the people who are asking you to comply with the law, ASKING not demanding ... well, dammitall yes. I've been there. I offer no excuse. I can be stupid too.


In this matter at least, I had the high road and I stuck to it. Or did I? Again, what would you have done?

I see these people insulting me and I wonder, if I treated them the same way they have treated me, how would they react? Actually, I know. There ain't no bottom to that pit.


As for those who are attacking me, well, Christ was spit upon as He carried the cross to save mankind. I reckon I'm in good company. So if you are one who has attacked me, know this - I forgive you. If I was out of line in any way, I ask you to forgive me.


In the meantime, I shall bear whatever lashes are laid upon me. But, Lenny old man, it sure doesn't feel good.

Perspectives, or It ain't no thang

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People periodically watch me build ads, lay out pages, write stories, etc and express amazement how I do it.

Keep looking. You'll get it.

These same people are the surprised when I have to find a calculator to compute even the smallest sums. I don't do math. Never have.

Got caught cheating on multiplication tests in elementary school. I forget what happened afterward.

As a junior in high school, my math ability tested out somewhere around 6th grade. Dad, a Georgia Tech graduate, was mortified. Mom, from whom I inherited by stellar math abilities, was not surprised in the least.

These people who are surprised at the ease with which I do my job often have a hard time grasping their jobs are complicated and probably difficult to me.

"But it's easy," they say.

Sure is. You know how to do it and you have experience doing it, I reply back.

Sort of. My actual reply is:

"And putting out a newspaper is easy for me. I've been doing it for 28 years."

Then, they get it. Perspective matters.

What is easy for you is a major undertaking for another person. Doesn't matter what it is.

For instance: I quit smoking years ago. Laid 'em down and that was it. Easy. I also quit chewing tobacco, which was a MUCH harder task. If it would not kill me and I could afford it, I'd have a pouch of chew in my pocket right now and a wad in my jaw.

I know plenty of people who've also quit. I know plenty of people who have tried and cannot quit. 

What's easy for you is next to impossible for someone else.

What is a breeze for one person is next to impossible for you.

Remember that next time you're inclined to belittle someone's capabilities.

At the same time, some people simply will not try. I don't have much sympathy for those folks.

Anyway, here's an idea of what we in the paper bidnez do: http://people.howstuffworks.com/newspaper.htm Understand that all the stuff this article talks about is condensed into 4 people for the paper I work for.

Random brain droppings

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Today, an assortment of assorted unsorted sorties.

I just like this cartoon.

•••

People who've known me for years N years are still surprised when I tell them (for the kajillionth time) that I do not watch TV. I am not smart enough to watch TV.

I once said this to a person I know and he expressed incredulity at my lack of cognitive ability wherewith I should be able to participate in his favored form of recreation.

"You just turn it on," he said.

"That's all?" I asked. "You just watch? You don't have to do anything else?"

"Yes," he said.

To  him, sarcasm is a person from a foreign country or a spice and irony is what happens to your shirts at the dry cleaners.

I maintain if he has the IQ level necessary to watch TV, then I am absolutely not smart enough.

•••

Truth.

The Guns of the South is the best book written in the past 20 years. Am presently reading Harry Turtledove's WWII and Invasion series. Not as good as Guns, but still I find myself enjoying his work immensely.

•••

Thanks to Pakrat, I have Megatome 1. I realize this means little to you, but the book is a compilation of the Sluggy Freelance online cartoon strip. Megatome 1 in first edition is worth a WHOLE lot more than I paid for it. Thanks Phil!

•••

Please, join me in praying for Jayme.

•••

We are the sum of the choices we have made and what circumstances and others have done to us. No one may fully take the blame or the credit.

•••

Everyone has a price. Everyone. The only thing to be determined is who can afford to pay it. Well, another question could be: Do you know what your price actually is?

As I said to a friend this morning, people around the world, a whole lot in the United States including many, many in my town and community, exchange sexual favors for economic security. What do you call these people?

I call a lot of them "married."

What is the difference between a person who exchanges sex for money with many people and a person who exchanges sex for money (economic security) with one person?

Most likely, one person is more honest about what he or she does to make ends meet.

If that offends you, then I suggest you start living in this place I call reality. Then, you won't be offended when someone shows you the truth.

•••