The Chamber of Commerce annual banquet is a venue to announce community awards. I have one of them and share the second with the awesome people who work at the paper. I'm only eligible for one more.
As I exited the 2025 event, Sarah came up to me. She asked if I had a minute. Yes, always, always, yes.
"I just want you to know you were nominated for Citizen of the Year," she said. "You are (something - have now forgotten the exact word) at the Mastrario house."
Damn allergies.
As I continued to back out and then head out, I remembered something else Sarah told me. When Wyatt was a munchkin, one day he ran through the house screaming "Ben Baker! Ben Baker!" "Kids," she added.
This week I found out I've been nominated for COY every year for about 10 years, possibly more.
whoa.
The selection committee is made from previous years' recipients. A few of the past recipients were/are hell bent on making damn sure I never get the award.
I get that. When you tell the truth, people get upset. Some people get violently upset. One person, in 2012, got upset enough to try to have me killed. Yeah.
Lemme tell you this again - If the truth hurts, yer living wrong.
A few are almost equally determined to make sure I do get it. To those, thank you. I will try ever harder to live up to who I need to be, You inspire me.
The Hurt Locker
Anyway, part of me is living wrong. I have parked part of myself in the hurt locker. Part of me wants that award. Part of me wants to scream - HEY. LOOK AT EVERYTHING I DO! WHAT THE ARE YOU DOING THAT COMPARES?
I look over the list of past recipients and consider what they did to received the award.
Because I am flawed, imperfect and yet corrupt, I think about everything some of them did. I wonder why they got the award. I know it is a matter of politics, jealously and hatred.
In other words, the reasons excuses decisions the awards committee has are exactly the same reactions I had when I left the annual event irked that I did not get the award yet again.
That's wrong. I should not be doing this for the attention and praises of man. I should be doing it because it needs to be done. Period. Who gets the credit is irrelevant. Well, to God be the glory and thanks to the Great Maker. I'm just doing what Jesus said we should do.
I should celebrate those who did receive awards, regardless.
I'm trying. I really am. I will do so from now on.
When things like this begin to grind on me, I go back to the Stoics (thanks Mike!) and the Bible to find peace. Both remind me these things are not something I need. Whatever it is, is not something I can control. Instead of marinating in my own bile stew, I should take a breath, look around and find something that needs to be done. Then, go and do it.
That is who I want to be.
Hulk Smash
A while back I went to Canada and visited the White Clan. The visit made a fundamental change in who I am. Wrote a book about it (email for the link if you want one).
Among those lessons from the Great White North is that I can do a better job of appreciating what I have and letting go of what I do not have.
Up there when I started to turn back to thoughts of what the future would bring, I recalled the Incredible Hulk, the strongest being in the MCU. Hulk has no upper limit on his strength. I imagined my own Hulk taking those thoughts and Hulk Smash! them into oblivion.
It works for me. I need to use that more often.
Unexpected Messenger
Yesterday (today being Tuesday, Feb. 4), I was attending business. I got out of my truck and a gent in a car pulled up next to me. He wanted to talk. This itself is not unusual; being the newspaper editor I get this frequently.
His message was most unusual.
"Thank you," said this man who is also church pastor. (I forget his name and church, if I ever knew it. He did not give me his name.) "Thank you," he said, "for what you do for this community." He said my work makes a major difference in the lives of so many people.
Damn allergies.
Then, he did his own Hulk Smash and brought me right back to the ground.
"You will get your reward there," he said, pointing skyward. The conversation continued in that vein for a few more minutes. With each of his comments, I stood a little taller & straighter and bowed & knelt a little more.
By the time we parted, I was both immoveable and a vapor on the wind.
It took me a while to grasp exactly what this unexpected messenger did.
He gave me exactly what I needed and exactly what I wanted and exactly what I asked for. Literally. Since the banquet, I was asking for something to remove the resentment I harbored. I cried out from my soul that my foolish and idiotic fascination with someone's opinion of me would be removed.
His words have done that. He brought me peace.
I needed it. I have again closed the hurt locker and embraced the truth. Now, I just gotta hang on to that.
Good Job
To those who have received awards of whatever kind, good job! I am proud of and happy for you. Honestly. It is good to be recognized for what you do. People, me included, need positive reinforcement. Take that award and use it as a base to grow and do better things.
You can do it.
As for me? If I ever get the COY award, it will not be me getting it. I'll just be the person holding the plaque.
The real award will go first to God and then to the people who pushed me, lifted me, carried me, inspired me, worked next to me and helped me.
Without God and these people, I could not. Could not what? Pick something, anything. I couldn't do it.
If I ever get the award, yes, I'll hang it somewhere. I will use it as a reminder that I have so much more to do. It will be a marker to tell me, every time I look at it, that I cannot stand on the past. I must live in the present and prepare for the future.
It will be a goal I will work toward, not for the accolades, but because I want to make where I am a better place for everyone. That work has to start with me.
Carpe Diem. Amor Fati. Memento Mori.
UPDATE
5 Feb 2025. I just officiated the marriage of William to Eunice. William is the pastor above.
Confirmation.
