Severances

Just spent a long time on the phone with one of my oldest friends on the planet. He also happens to be a first cousin, once removed, and shares this chronological distinction with another first cousin once removed and another more distance cousin.

Three people I have known and stayed in touch with longer than anyone else on the planet.

The 1st cousin mentioned here is one of the few people I know I can count on. He called when Momma died. To my eternal chagrin, I did not reciprocate under the same circumstances. Few others called. I am sorry for my failing.

In our discussion, a mutual cousin was mentioned.

1st Cousin has been talking to her for about a year now, sometimes even on the phone. T'other cousin ... yeah.

Some wounds.

Just for the record, I consider both as blood kin. They are quick to point out they were adopted. Irrelevant. They are blood kin. 1st Cousin even moreso.

T'other cousin, well...

Some wounds.

1st Cousin wanted details after I said I was wary about renewing a relationship with t'other Cousin. 1st Cousin is aware of part of the reasons.

Some wounds.

That's a part of my existence I have not discussed with anyone. I probably need to. I ain't gonna and even writing this blog post is questionable. Were it not for some of Kentucky's finest, I'd probably not even be posting this. However, as remarked repeatedly in various literatures, the fruit of the vine (or grain) will loosen the tongue and brain. 

Eh. I may. But only in the memoirs I am writing, which may only be published with permission of people mentioned therein or after my demise. That is, if I ever get finished with them. Yet another person (closer than blood) is beta reading and wants me to finish. Mebbe...

Some wounds.

T'other cousin ... yeah. Time has a way of ameliorating certain circumstances. In other words, time heals all wounds. More time may be needed in this case.

Or, maybe not.

No, more time is needed. That was a significant issue. You want details, even as 1st Cousin sought them tonight. 1st Cousin at least was willing to accept the statement "I will explain when we meet again in person." And so I shall, should he bring the matter up because I said so. Some things are thicker than even blood and a word, a promise, a guarantee to one such as 1st Cousin is that.

I also note, that on this night another person received a distinctive accolade. This person lied to me thrice from a position of high authority. But that's another post. This is naught but a a straw man, a diversion, an attempt to draw your attention away from the real matter at hand which I dance about, trying to avoid a direct confrontation that has been simmering for far too many decades and yet may continue to simmer until one or both of us carry this to our graves where it will be forgotten by all but us.

This assumes t'other cousin is even cognizant of matter. Of this, no gaurantees.

Some wounds.

What do I write? How do I write it? What words are adequate?

I am nearly overwhelmed by the not quite betrayal but neither a momentary slight. The words get in the way. I need a broader palette. I need to paint the sky and the earth to express these thoughts that ravage me, these thoughts which I once thought (erroneously) were buried. Long healed scars can either be dead or painful. Apparently this is painful.

Ah so.

Some wounds.

And now, with the distillate affecting my ability to properly transcribe these thoughts (as if lack thereof would make this easier), I beg your leave. The morrow brings new challenges which I must face. This evening... This evening I fear will resurrect the ghosts of times past to haunt my nocturnal slumbers to jolt me to consciousness because of this conversation with 1st Cousin. Attribute no blame to 1st Cousin, I beg of you, no matter who you are reading this. Any fault my rest squarely upon my Atlas shoulders, even though I be unable to bear the weight. T'other Cousin and 1st Cousin must in no way share any of the blame.

Peace unto you, albeit it shall not come unto me.